你是草场上最大的屁篓子。
You’re the biggest fartbasket on
the playground.
China Hipsterism
So, after a year-long break from
updating this blog, I'm back to share more observations and
adventures. As I'm soon to begin my third year as a teacher in China,
I've found myself falling into a bit of what I'll call “China
Hipsterism.”
It's no secret that the economy in the
West is tanking. Despite the glimmers of hope that come with reports
of a recuperating stock market, massive inequalities sustain. This
being the case, Westerners are bound to look abroad for more
opportunities. Hell, some aren't even looking for opportunity
insomuch as relief. They just want to be able to afford food, rent,
and utilities each month without maxing out their credit cards. The
threat of massive unemployment, too much competition, and companies
trying to get people to work for free just isn't that alluring
anymore.
China has attracted some pretty
well-adjusted, normal people. Some are just college graduates looking
to kill some time while they wait for the economy to heal. Others
are gristled stragglers, wrinkled perverts that found themselves
washed upon the shores of the Middle Kingdom, after Western society
vomited them up. You can find them at the local expat bars, smoking
like chimneys and arguing in slurred speech. Every city has their
own.
Hipsterism isn't a good thing, to be
sure. But it's an attitude one begins to forge after living in China
for more that a year. Every year, a drove of fresh foreign faces will
descend on each city, bringing their cultural orientations with them.
You can watch them go through the same phases of discovery, some of
which are even included in this blog: “Wow, this whole street
smells like shit!” “Whoa, what do you mean no toilets, that shits
cray, cray!” You can watch them transition through the peaks of
excitement, to the troughs of numbing disappointment: anger at poor
service at the bank, or sitting through a lackluster cuisine.
After one becomes inured to the
inconveniences: the sights, the smells, the rudeness, the shoddiness
of everything, hearing those observations again can feel a little too
redundant. Instead of the arrival of the new Westerners being met
with enthusiasm, it is met with vague apprehension: “Oh, here they
come again with all their noobie noobiness.” Thus, China hipsterism
is born. It's not “I was in China before it was cool.” It's “I
was in China before you, and I speak Chinese.”
And there is nothing wrong with someone
being a tourist, really. Why get annoyed with someone for wanting to
visit a foreign place? If anything I should be excited when more
Western faces appear. I don't always like it when Chinese people
gape at me like I'm a magical unicorn. If more white people show up,
maybe the novelty will wear off. Maybe the next time I go out, no one
will blink an eye.
But most people don't stay for more
than a year. Nor do they have any plan to. They come, they get their
fill, and then they go right back home, enjoying their more plush
comforts.
As I went through the new Starbucks
that opened in town, a number of noobies walked in and got in line
behind me. We exchanged glances, and though they looked interested in
conversation, but I wasn't in the mood for talking. Are all white
people obligated to speak to each other when in foreign environments?
I stepped down the way to wait for my brewed coffee. This white kid
stepped up and asked for a “Raspberry White Mocha.” He didn't
speak any Chinese. He just came up with his pissy Western
expectations of customer service, and asked for a drink a teenage
girl would fancy. I don't know why I found that so irritating.
Perhaps it was because I was living perfectly fine without reminders
of the things that used to annoy me while living in the U.S..
“Oh, would you like a pink tutu and
sparkle wand with that, you fucking douche?” I shouted down the
line. He gaped back at me with incredulity.
…
No, I actually didn't do that. But I
wanted to.
I am Culturally-Modified Iron Man
When I heard they were making
adjustments to the new Iron Man movie for Chinese audiences, I didn't
know what to expect. The thought crossed my mind, what if they made
Tony Stark into a Han Chinese male? What would he be like? Hmm. Would
he actually develop technology on his own, or would he just use the
internet to steal designs from the U.S. Government? Would he actually
live in China, or would he do what other rich Chinese do, and move to
the U.S.? Would women still throw themselves at him? Hmm.
As it happens, one of the main plots in
Iron Man 3 is when Tony Stark is forced to operate with a broken-down
Iron Man suit. I felt the story would go over really well with
Chinese audiences because they know what's like when shit breaks down
and they're forced to make-do with something crappy.
But in further attempts to pander
Chinese audiences, Hollywood decided to add in some auxiliary scenes
to the Chinese version of “Iron Man 3,” things the West never
saw. These clips added Chinese actors that have no significant
presence in the rest of the film. They bring in Wang Xueqi (王学圻)
to play Dr. Wu, and Fan (Sex-face) Bingbing
(范冰冰
) to
play an unnamed nurse. In the film, Dr. Wu is charged with the role
of removing the shrapnel from Tony Stark's chest as a medical
specialist. As if any wealthy American would ever go to China for
that kind of treatment ever.
 |
| Fan Bingbing (范冰冰 ) Distressed. |
But what was
funny were the shots of Dr. Wu talking in his Chinese office. If you
were to look through the windows, and you could see a run-down,
polluted city skyline. I don't know why they wouldn't beautify the
images to fit the style of the rest of the film, but whatever. If
they were going to bolt-on unnecessary scenes like those, they could
have at least been exciting. Unfortunately, they were dull bits of
dreck. Overall, Chinese audiences found the additions insulting to
their intelligence, as they were obviously superfluous. Most wanted
to see the version the rest of the world sees. It all comes back to
the Ministry of Culture.
The Ministry of
Culture is a group of people that decide what is and what is not
appropriate for Chinese audiences. They are appointed by the
government to trim foreign motion pictures to their sensibilities. In
many cases, their choices on what needs editing, or what doesn't, is
rather inconsistent with what is already available in mainland
Chinese entertainment. For example, they're not cool with violence in
Western films, but there are plenty of Chinese kung fu films that are
just as bloody. They will not tolerate foreign films where the bad guy
doesn't face justice, though in Chinese movies, it doesn't always
happen.
But the one thing
the Ministry of Culture will not tolerate, under any circumstances,
is bare boobs.
There was a
fiasco earlier this year surrounding the release of Quentin
Tarantino's “Jango” after they already had mutilated it and got
it sanitized for release. On Thursday April 11th,
on what would have been the film's opening day in China, it was
yanked out of theaters. Why? Officials were confronted by a brief
sight of nudity when Jango's slave wife was pulled out of
confinement. That ruffled the fuck out of their feathers. So to
appease them, the film had to go back on the chopping block. After a
few more modifications, they re-released the film, and guess what? No
one bought a ticket. Everyone in China knew they'd be seeing a
watered-down, neutered version of the film, so they just stayed at
home and downloaded the unedited version off a torrent.
Though China is
not a democracy, there are surely some democratic influences when the
Chinese speak with their wallets.
 |
| Don't fuck with Lei Feng |
Earlier this
year, the Chinese government funded the production of a propaganda
film called “Young Lei Feng.” If you don't know who Lei Feng is,
he is considered the moral example for Chinese people. He was a PLA
soldier back in the late fifties who is said to have behaved quite
selflessly in the promotion of communist values. You will still find
billboards endorsing his name around China that say, “学习雷锋”
(Study
Lei Feng). The Chinese government hyped the shit out of this film,
setting release on a date they dubbed “Learn from Lei Feng Day.”
After all the build-up, the commercials on billboards, internet and
the radio, they got ready for opening day... and not a single soul
bought a ticket. It seems that cynicism prevails when the Chinese
government tells the public which kind of moral values to endorse.
The government sheepishly pulled the film from theaters.
Going to films in China is much more
affordable than in the West, especially for 3D features, but the one
thing I dislike is how they turn out the lights and kick everyone out
immediately after the credits start rolling. They don't seem to
understand that the credits are also a part of the film, and there is
a reason they are there, even if very few people may be interested. I
waited all the way until the end of the Chinese Iron Man 3 for the
Easter egg, and got nothing. There was no goddamn Easter egg in the
Chinese version. All the while the Chinese staff was scratching their
heads as to why anyone would stay after to watch the credits. I
wanted my Easter egg.
Revelations
So now I'll share a positive experience
I've had. Many of the items in this blog tend to lean toward the more
critical side. And not all of my experiences in the Middle Kingdom
have been bad. If that had been the case, I wouldn't have agreed to
stay for three years. Every once in a while, when you're involved in
the teaching field, there comes a time where something goes right.
Perhaps a student will be awarded with some insight of some kind, and
you will see the unmistakable expression of enlightenment on their
face. It's those kinds of moments that make the gig worth it.
There was a young girl looking to get
into a prestigious school in Singapore, and in order to do so, she
needed to pass an interview in English. I got hired by her mother to
help her out, and after reading all of her responses to possible
interview questions, I sat with her to refine her introduction and
materials. We practiced pronunciation, and I helped her understand
the reasoning behind the items we wrote. I told her not to just
memorize the sentences, just to understand what they meant and what
she wanted to say.
A couple weeks later, I had completely
forgotten about the project. I got a call from the girl's mother on
her cell phone, and she said the girl wanted to speak to me.
The girl told me that she's been
accepted out a group of fifteen other candidates. She said they
seemed very impressed, and she couldn't have done it without my help.
In a parting statement, I told her that it was her talent that got
her into that school, and I was only the guide. She kept thanking me,
over and over, until I told her I had to go.
I tend to have a rather cynical
attitude about how helpful I am as a teacher at times. In my
experience teaching college classes, there have been times when my
students have made it more than abundantly clear that they have no
interest in anything I have to say. They don't respect the idea of
English as a mandatory professional requirement. But this wasn't one
of those times.
This time, I felt I had finally done
something worthwhile. I felt that my guidance had actually helped
her, and it was more than a futile exercise. Who's to say where she
would go someday, as a result of that interaction? Perhaps someday
she will even be a future leader, someone who will do important
things to shape her nation. I found myself getting a little choked up
over the idea, even if I had agreed to help the girl under the
precedent of financial gain. You never know you've done something
good until it hits you like a bag of bricks.
After
all, there are restrictions to how many children people can have, due
to the One Child Policy. Rural couples are only allowed two children
if the first is female. Chinese couples have occasionally offed their
female offspring in favor of a male. It's now having major social
repercussions, as in some parts of the country, there simply aren't
enough women to go around for all the men that wish to marry.
Last
week, Vice Premier Wang Yang straight-up called-out Chinese tourists
for bad behavior abroad. The list of offenses included talking
loudly in public, jay-walking, cutting in lines, spitting, and
as a result of the recent defacement of Egypt's Luxor temple,
willfully carving characters on items in scenic zones. In other
words, don't act like you act in China while in other countries. But
it calls into question why certain behavior should be acceptable
anywhere.
